so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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