the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
