Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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