I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
