I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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