dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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