Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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