I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
