That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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