does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
