Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
