Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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