That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
