I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
