you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
