He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
well you can't waste a boner
My balls are so social today.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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