I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
