i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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