Do you still have your period?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
