So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
