So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
