Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
