I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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