Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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