Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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