omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
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