I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
