do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
