im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
