Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
