I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
