i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Dicks are not precious.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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