Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
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