Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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