His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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