god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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