eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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