I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
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