I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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