How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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