It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
