His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
