wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
