If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
