I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
