4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
