so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Randomize
