i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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