I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
