So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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